Arlington, Virginia- A local Arlington, Virginia man has taken to the popular want ads website Craigslist to find himself an autonomous car. He was quite jealous of all his friends being driven to work by their "uber-cool" autonomous cars. After being fed up with his "non-robot" car, he searched the "Used Car" section of Craigslist to find himself an autonomous car. Unfortunately, all he found with his $5,ooo budget price cap, were Chinese made hoverboards. After much thought and debate he settled on buying a longboard to get to work. Accordingly to Details magazine, it's the next coolest way to get to work other than an autonomous car.
Washington, DC - A major report from robot researchers came out today stating, "autonomous cars will not be ready for roadways overnight." This is a huge shock to consumers, because every news outlet is talking about how close autonomous cars are to taking over our streets. You might even think that your own cars is autonomous.
The report says "Autonomous cars aren't fucking remotely close to hitting our streets in the near futures and whoever thinks so is out of their fucking mind." This is a refreshing reminder that there is a lot of work to be done before autonomous cars are safely integrated into your roadways.
Manufacturers Will Make Automatic Braking Standard In New Cars By 2022, Customers Are Hoping Autonomous Cars Will Wipe Their Butt By 2032
Washington, DC- It's one small step for robots and leap ahead for autonomous cars, automatic braking will now be standard in cars starting in 2022. This will dramatically reduce accidents by further protecting humans from themselves.
Once humans are eliminated from driving, people will finally be safe again. That will leave humans with less to do while driving.
In a hope to do even less, humans have started pitching automakers to now have cars wipe their butts. . Humans, you keep dreaming big.
Charlottesville, Virginia- Because "you never know when you'll need to do a few reps," fraternity brother Nick Bleck has installed the first ever bench press set in his autonomous car. Mr. Bleck has been hitting the gym ever since his dad forced him to do his first biceps curls in front of the whole family during Christmas 1992. Ever since that first bicep curl, Mr. Bleck has been hooked on how lifting weights make his body toned.
Mr. Bleck's life has taken a tragic turn ever since his two hour commute to work in Washington, DC has taken up all his free-time. "Ever since I left college, I really haven't had to time to keep my physique in top notch shape. I'm not getting the high school girls checking me out as much as in my college days."
In an attempt to bring back the glory of Mr. Bleck's college "bod", he installed a bench press set in his autonomous car to "do some reps on his way to work." This is the first weight set Robot and Rider has ever seen in an autonomous car.
Detroit, Michigan- Every media outlet and car company is talking about autonomous cars. Yet, no publications or car manufacturers know what the future of autonomous cars will be. Recently, at an International Auto Show car companies were caught cheating off each others reports on autonomous cars.
Car makers have no idea what the future holds, and that leaves them in an awkward situation. Car makers have turned to cheating off of each others reports in order to be up-to-date with all the new technologies.
All car manufactures are reporting that autonomous cars are "just around the corner."
Robot And Rider Can't Believe Matt Farah Didn't Call In The Experts......Robots
Dan Neil (Wall Street Journal), Matt Farah (The Smoking Tire), and Alex Roy (Editor-At-Large, The Drive) all sit around and argue about what they think the future of autonomous vehicles will be. Little did they know that Robot and Rider is FROM THE FUTURE.
Robot and Rider could have told them they were all wrong about the future of autonomous cars, but who cares we are only robots from the future.
If you care to hear more please click on the link below. It will take you to Matt Farah's Smoking Tire podcast.
Maybe That's Because There Aren't Any Fully Autonomous Cars Available For Sale In America, Yet
Orlando, Florida- AAA just released an amazing study which found out that 3 out of 4 Americans are afraid of self-driving cars. That's like being scared of the "Big Foot," because self-driving cars just don't exist. Sure, some cars can partially drive themselves on the highway for a minute or so. But no major car manufacturer currently offers for sale a fully autonomous car. So being afraid of an autonomous car is plain old silly America, might as well go searching for Big Foot.
Another Win For #TeamRobot
Germany- Porsche doesn't like robots to drive their cars, but they have no problem letting them build their cars. Seems like inequality to me. In a big FU to robots, Porsche revealed the Porsche 911 R today. It's the purist 991 911 to date: lightweight, high-revving 4.0-liter natural aspirated engine, manual transmission, and carbon-fiber everything.
Porsche Chairman Oliver Blume made his hateful robot statement in February,"One wants to drive a Porsche by oneself,” Blume said in an interview with Reuters. “An iPhone belongs in your pocket, not on the road.” Not sure what he exactly means there, because iPhones haven't quite learned to drive, yet.
If you want to get a non-robot 911, they will be hard to come by. The 911 R production is limited to 991 units worldwide. With the starting MSRP of $184,900 it comes standard with no air conditioning or stereo, seems like a car only robots can love.