Florida - In the state where anything can happen, Tiger Woods' Cyborg Autonomous Driver was arressted by police for drunk driving. Apparently Tiger's autonomous robot driver took a potent mixture of battery lead acid and black market rare earth metals. Tiger Woods was in the car at the time of his autonomous cyborgs arrest but declined to comment to Robot and Rider. This isn't the first autonomous cyborg DUI in the US but might be the ugliest one R&R has seen in awhile.
Vatican City, Italy - Recently, Donald and Melania Trump flew to Italy in the Presidential rocket ship to visit Pope Francis. It was meant to be a time to talk about pizza, friendships, and gelato. But when Pope Francis asked Melania what she feeds Donald Trump she really didn't have an answer for him. This surprised Pope Francis and it also surprised Melania a bit too. Melania thought to herself that she really had not seen Donald eat anything at all during the entire time they have been together. And it was at that exact moment that Pope Francis and Melania both realized that Donald Trump is an AutoBot that can not be defeated.
Ford Motor Company Fires CEO Mark Fields And Appoints The World's First Autonomous Robot CEO (C-P3EO)
Detroit, Michigan - From the company that revolutionized the automobile industry with the assembly line, comes something totally new and crazy that it could work. It was announced today that Ford Motor Company would be firing CEO Mark Fields because he wasn't meeting shareholders expectations. Ford decided that it had enough of this human nonsense and Mr. Fields would be replaced with the worlds first Autonomous Robot CEO -code named C-P3EO.
It was a move to shock the industry and prove that not only do humans suck at driving cars, but also suck at running companies. It shocked the nation and has every CEO around the world cowering in their penthouse corner offices.
Volvo Makes Self-Driving Garbage Truck And Unfortunately, No Garbage Truck Worker Will Benefit From Volvo's Comfortable Seats
Göteborg, Sweden - Volvo is world renowned for making some of the best automotive interiors in the world. And Volvo's seats are some of the most comfortable in the industry. Garbage truck drivers for years have been complaining about poor seats in their trucks. Volvo took to fix this by building one of the first autonomous garbage trucks in the world.
It is driven by robots and no humans are needed to pilot the truck. Unfortunately, these garbage truck workers will not benefit from Volvo's luxurious interior because they will have to still collect the garbage from the outside. Robot and Rider reached out to one of the workers for comment and all he said was "angry."
Washington, DC - Ever since the President of the United States' presidential limousine has been driven by robots, the car feels like it hasn't been treated quite fairly. Since the presidential limousine no longer requires a driver, it is under more scrutiny than ever by the press.
Robot and Rider spoke with the autonomous car yesterday to see how it was doing. The presidential limousine said "It was the biggest witch hunt it had ever seen against an autonomous car." Robot and Rider isn't quite sure what it is talking about. Ever since autonomous cars have been driving on our streets they have been under an intense microscope by the press and public alike.
Donald Trump Claims That General Motors Would Have Never Gone Bankrupt If Andrew Jackson Was Still Around
Detroit, Michigan - During Donald Trumps recent visit Detroit, Michigan he visited General Motors (GM) headquarters and met with GM's CEO, Mary Barra. After his visit he realized what a big heart Mary has and during a recent press event made the claim that if Andrew Jackson was around in 2008 General Motors would have never gone out had to claim bankruptcy.
When Robot and Rider questioned Donald Trump about this statement he said, "You know what I mean, you can come to your own conclusion. I don't need to explain myself here, it's as clear as day." That really makes sense to Mr. Robot. Because at that time GM definitely wasn't selling cars to people who can't afford it and making terribly built cars.
Mountain View, California - Until recently, most people hacking cars have been able to get in and disrupt the automobiles critical functions without any harm. That was before robots had totally taken over the cars functions.
Last week James Miller hacked into an autonomous Nissan car, hoping to disable the computer systems and prove that he's an amazing individual. The tables turned on him this time and the autonomous car robot was able to see the hack coming and hacked the hacker. The autonomous Nissan found the hackers embarrassing photos and posted them all over the internet. It was the first time Robot and Rider had seen anything like this. The hacker declined to comment about these photos, but he did mention that robots rule and how sorry he was.