Arlington, Virginia - In today's day and age all cars are pretty much the same. They all drive autonomously using similar sensors and only differ in what useless advertisements they hawk to their passengers. And despite that fact that are cars are the same, the Toyota Corolla was nominated as the worst car of the year. Robot and Rider now recognizes June 13th as a day of remembering the Toyota Corolla as the worst car ever made.
Mountain View, California - This past Friday morning Mark Walker woke up in his trendy loft apartment in San Francisco and started his day like he does everyday. His robot maid dressed and bathed him, his robot chef made him eggs and he then called his robot car to pick him up. But on this particular Friday his robot car never came. So he waited a couple minutes and tried again and nothing. Mr. Walker started to freak out because he has no idea how to get to his office without his robot car.
This was a 24-hour panic that swept across Silicon Valley's elite who have been using autonomous cars to get to work for years now. Robot and Rider talked with Google and there was a 24-hour outage of their software due to a malware attack. Google apologized to everyone who had no idea how to get to their office on Friday.
By Sunday morning Mr. Walker was back to his normal routine of cross-fit and finger-painting with his mother and all was OK in San Francisco, for now.
Arlington, Virginia - Have you ever hated a job so much that you purposely made mistakes so you'd get fired? I'm sure you have, and it's the case with an autonomous car that is working to get sent back to CarMax.
"I just wanted to be a cool sedan, why did they have to make me a wagon. Sometimes I brake late, sometimes I swerve off road." Says the self-driving Toyota Camry Wagon that hates it's job.
There hasn't been one accident in over 30 years since self-driving cars have hit our streets. This Autonomous Camry Wagon might be the first accident we see in years because of it's rebellious attitude. We just hope it goes back to CarMax before it hurts some people.
Florida - In the state where anything can happen, Tiger Woods' Cyborg Autonomous Driver was arressted by police for drunk driving. Apparently Tiger's autonomous robot driver took a potent mixture of battery lead acid and black market rare earth metals. Tiger Woods was in the car at the time of his autonomous cyborgs arrest but declined to comment to Robot and Rider. This isn't the first autonomous cyborg DUI in the US but might be the ugliest one R&R has seen in awhile.
Vatican City, Italy - Recently, Donald and Melania Trump flew to Italy in the Presidential rocket ship to visit Pope Francis. It was meant to be a time to talk about pizza, friendships, and gelato. But when Pope Francis asked Melania what she feeds Donald Trump she really didn't have an answer for him. This surprised Pope Francis and it also surprised Melania a bit too. Melania thought to herself that she really had not seen Donald eat anything at all during the entire time they have been together. And it was at that exact moment that Pope Francis and Melania both realized that Donald Trump is an AutoBot that can not be defeated.
Ford Motor Company Fires CEO Mark Fields And Appoints The World's First Autonomous Robot CEO (C-P3EO)
Detroit, Michigan - From the company that revolutionized the automobile industry with the assembly line, comes something totally new and crazy that it could work. It was announced today that Ford Motor Company would be firing CEO Mark Fields because he wasn't meeting shareholders expectations. Ford decided that it had enough of this human nonsense and Mr. Fields would be replaced with the worlds first Autonomous Robot CEO -code named C-P3EO.
It was a move to shock the industry and prove that not only do humans suck at driving cars, but also suck at running companies. It shocked the nation and has every CEO around the world cowering in their penthouse corner offices.
Volvo Makes Self-Driving Garbage Truck And Unfortunately, No Garbage Truck Worker Will Benefit From Volvo's Comfortable Seats
Göteborg, Sweden - Volvo is world renowned for making some of the best automotive interiors in the world. And Volvo's seats are some of the most comfortable in the industry. Garbage truck drivers for years have been complaining about poor seats in their trucks. Volvo took to fix this by building one of the first autonomous garbage trucks in the world.
It is driven by robots and no humans are needed to pilot the truck. Unfortunately, these garbage truck workers will not benefit from Volvo's luxurious interior because they will have to still collect the garbage from the outside. Robot and Rider reached out to one of the workers for comment and all he said was "angry."
Washington, DC - Ever since the President of the United States' presidential limousine has been driven by robots, the car feels like it hasn't been treated quite fairly. Since the presidential limousine no longer requires a driver, it is under more scrutiny than ever by the press.
Robot and Rider spoke with the autonomous car yesterday to see how it was doing. The presidential limousine said "It was the biggest witch hunt it had ever seen against an autonomous car." Robot and Rider isn't quite sure what it is talking about. Ever since autonomous cars have been driving on our streets they have been under an intense microscope by the press and public alike.
Can Mr. Hotz beat Google and Tesla in the autonomous game? Only time will tell, but George Hotz is one smart fucking dude, that might the only person more cocky than Elon Musk. And that's really cocky.
Yea, Neither Would We, And We Are Robots.
Doesn't Motor Trend know that only robots have the answer to what future of cars will be?
Ashville, NC- Roborace has shown its most recent driverless race car above. There is no doubt that it is a stunning design. Remove humans and things start to become beautiful. But us Robots have a question, don't humans love crashes? If robots are racing, there will be no crashes, not to sure how many Americans will want to watch robots perfectly lap a track.
Robot and Rider knows robots and Mr. Hotz is one of the best. Watch him in action building an autonomous car in his garage.
Arlington, Virginia- A local Arlington, Virginia man has taken to the popular want ads website Craigslist to find himself an autonomous car. He was quite jealous of all his friends being driven to work by their "uber-cool" autonomous cars. After being fed up with his "non-robot" car, he searched the "Used Car" section of Craigslist to find himself an autonomous car. Unfortunately, all he found with his $5,ooo budget price cap, were Chinese made hoverboards. After much thought and debate he settled on buying a longboard to get to work. Accordingly to Details magazine, it's the next coolest way to get to work other than an autonomous car.
Washington, DC - A major report from robot researchers came out today stating, "autonomous cars will not be ready for roadways overnight." This is a huge shock to consumers, because every news outlet is talking about how close autonomous cars are to taking over our streets. You might even think that your own cars is autonomous.
The report says "Autonomous cars aren't fucking remotely close to hitting our streets in the near futures and whoever thinks so is out of their fucking mind." This is a refreshing reminder that there is a lot of work to be done before autonomous cars are safely integrated into your roadways.
Robot And Rider Can't Believe Matt Farah Didn't Call In The Experts......Robots
Dan Neil (Wall Street Journal), Matt Farah (The Smoking Tire), and Alex Roy (Editor-At-Large, The Drive) all sit around and argue about what they think the future of autonomous vehicles will be. Little did they know that Robot and Rider is FROM THE FUTURE.
Robot and Rider could have told them they were all wrong about the future of autonomous cars, but who cares we are only robots from the future.
If you care to hear more please click on the link below. It will take you to Matt Farah's Smoking Tire podcast.
Maybe That's Because There Aren't Any Fully Autonomous Cars Available For Sale In America, Yet
Orlando, Florida- AAA just released an amazing study which found out that 3 out of 4 Americans are afraid of self-driving cars. That's like being scared of the "Big Foot," because self-driving cars just don't exist. Sure, some cars can partially drive themselves on the highway for a minute or so. But no major car manufacturer currently offers for sale a fully autonomous car. So being afraid of an autonomous car is plain old silly America, might as well go searching for Big Foot.