Maybe That's Because There Aren't Any Fully Autonomous Cars Available For Sale In America, Yet
Orlando, Florida- AAA just released an amazing study which found out that 3 out of 4 Americans are afraid of self-driving cars. That's like being scared of the "Big Foot," because self-driving cars just don't exist. Sure, some cars can partially drive themselves on the highway for a minute or so. But no major car manufacturer currently offers for sale a fully autonomous car. So being afraid of an autonomous car is plain old silly America, might as well go searching for Big Foot.
Germany- Porsche doesn't like robots to drive their cars, but they have no problem letting them build their cars. Seems like inequality to me. In a big FU to robots, Porsche revealed the Porsche 911 R today. It's the purist 991 911 to date: lightweight, high-revving 4.0-liter natural aspirated engine, manual transmission, and carbon-fiber everything.
Porsche Chairman Oliver Blume made his hateful robot statement in February,"One wants to drive a Porsche by oneself,” Blume said in an interview with Reuters. “An iPhone belongs in your pocket, not on the road.” Not sure what he exactly means there, because iPhones haven't quite learned to drive, yet.
If you want to get a non-robot 911, they will be hard to come by. The 911 R production is limited to 991 units worldwide. With the starting MSRP of $184,900 it comes standard with no air conditioning or stereo, seems like a car only robots can love.
Silicon Valley, California- Google just announced its first every autonomous car crash where the autonomous car was to blame, and not humans. Humans are rejoicing everywhere, finally feeling some self-worth. Robot and Rider secretly knows that the autonomous car probably hit the bus on purpose, to make a stand against all the terrible bus drivers on the road. Google has already told the robots that it is not right to take a stance against bus drivers and have remedy the "glitch."
"From now on, our cars will more deeply understand that buses (and other large vehicles) are less likely to yield to us than other types of vehicles, and we hope to handle situations like this more gracefully in the future."
Göteborg, Sweden- Volvo is funding ROAR (RObot based Autonomous Refuse handling), in order to make automation of everyday tasks easy, efficient, and safe. Students from three difference Universities around the world have collaborated to make this happen. The students have found a way to use advance sensor technology, drones, and computers to help a robot navigate its way through city streets to pick up a trashcan. It has many stop-safe features that will employ an emergency stop if it defects a human nearby. Volvo and the students see this as just the start of automating everyday life and it's intended to spark the imagination. What would you automate?
Watch the video here.
Autonomous Car Arrested for Dealing Gasoline In A Back Alley, Blames His Negligent Parents For Downturn
Detroit, Michigan- The streets of Detroit, Michigan just got a little better after autonomous police cars tracked down one of Detroit's biggest underground gasoline dealing autonomous cars in America. This autonomous car has been on the run for over three years, and has been on FBI's most wanted list for the same amount.
Things started to look bad for this autonomous car when it dropped out of Driver's Education School after only one year. It turned to selling illegal gasoline on the streets of Detroit and eventually became one of the world's biggest underground gasoline dealers.
The autonomous car was arrested February 24th, 2045 and will be charged for 10 different felonies. The autonomous car apparently is blaming its parents for being negligent as a young autonomous car with no direction.
The autonomous car will be sentenced to imprisonment at CarMax for at least twenty years, with no chance of being sold.
Fairfax, Virginia- It is a story that we hear too often, someone loses interest in their passion because of work, children, stress, money, etc. One man is taking the phrase "I should have," to a new level. Jeff Torsky of Fairfax, Virginia has turned his passion of painting into a reality, all thanks to an autonomous car.
Mr. Torsky normally would commute one hour each way to his consulting job in Arlington, Virginia. When he purchased his first autonomous car three years ago, he found himself with lots of free time on his hands, and he decided that he wanted to pursue his passion of paint.
Mr. Torsky wanted to become a painter ever since he was five years-old, and saw his first Van Gogh. He painted all during high school and even into college. Then something terrible happened, Mr. Torsky needed make money once he graduated college, and his artwork was not selling. He decided to take a job with a local consulting firm in Arlington. Next thing Mr. Torsky knows he has three kids, two divorces, and he hates his life.
There was only one thing that could save him, and it was art. Mr. Torsky has started painting in his autonomous car while he was commuting to work. "I finally feel like I know my true self, and why God put me here on earth." Mr. Torsky hasn't sold a painting yet, but he's confident his Impressionism-Modern-Faux-Art will sell.
Silicon Vally, California- Apple has had huge success with their newest autonomous car the 2050 Apple iCar. People are going ahead an calling it "the future", the "iPhone of cars." With already 1 million iCars sold in Apple's first year of production, it's no wonder Apple is on cloud nine. Until today, when a man locked himself out of his Apple iCar and they refused to unlock the car for him. The man lost his Apple key and can no longer access his car. Apple does not want to infringe on their customers privacy. Robot and Rider reached out to Apple for comment but they declined.
The local man did say that he will have leave his car parked on the street forever, and he's now thinking about buying an autonomous Google Car, even though it's not as cool.
Washington- Takata is an expert airbag maker that had a rough couple years from 2014-2016, over 24 million vehicles were affected by their faulty airbags. Takata finally conducted their own investigation into the 24 million recalls with their airbags, they tracked down the source to one of their assembly men Joe Thompson. Takata is saying that Mr. Thompson was liable for all the airbags and that he will be punished accordingly.
Today is a good day for Takata though, all autonomous cars on the roads no longer require the use of an airbag, and the CEO couldn't be happier that he no longer has to appear in court.
Robot and Rider reached out to the CEO for comment, "Takata couldn't be happier that we are no longer making airbags for cars, we finally can ramp up our production of McDonald's happy mean toys."