Arlington, Virginia - Have you ever hated a job so much that you purposely made mistakes so you'd get fired? I'm sure you have, and it's the case with an autonomous car that is working to get sent back to CarMax.
"I just wanted to be a cool sedan, why did they have to make me a wagon. Sometimes I brake late, sometimes I swerve off road." Says the self-driving Toyota Camry Wagon that hates it's job.
There hasn't been one accident in over 30 years since self-driving cars have hit our streets. This Autonomous Camry Wagon might be the first accident we see in years because of it's rebellious attitude. We just hope it goes back to CarMax before it hurts some people.
Donald Trump Backs Out Of The Paris Accord Because He Thinks Robots Made Up The Hoax Of Climate Change
Washington, DC - R2D2 came to Donald Trump in a dream and told him that Climate Change was a houx made up by idiot robots. Donald Trump has such a love for R2D2 that he took this dream for reality and has backed out of the Paris Accord deal.
Florida - In the state where anything can happen, Tiger Woods' Cyborg Autonomous Driver was arressted by police for drunk driving. Apparently Tiger's autonomous robot driver took a potent mixture of battery lead acid and black market rare earth metals. Tiger Woods was in the car at the time of his autonomous cyborgs arrest but declined to comment to Robot and Rider. This isn't the first autonomous cyborg DUI in the US but might be the ugliest one R&R has seen in awhile.
Vatican City, Italy - Recently, Donald and Melania Trump flew to Italy in the Presidential rocket ship to visit Pope Francis. It was meant to be a time to talk about pizza, friendships, and gelato. But when Pope Francis asked Melania what she feeds Donald Trump she really didn't have an answer for him. This surprised Pope Francis and it also surprised Melania a bit too. Melania thought to herself that she really had not seen Donald eat anything at all during the entire time they have been together. And it was at that exact moment that Pope Francis and Melania both realized that Donald Trump is an AutoBot that can not be defeated.
Ford Motor Company Fires CEO Mark Fields And Appoints The World's First Autonomous Robot CEO (C-P3EO)
Detroit, Michigan - From the company that revolutionized the automobile industry with the assembly line, comes something totally new and crazy that it could work. It was announced today that Ford Motor Company would be firing CEO Mark Fields because he wasn't meeting shareholders expectations. Ford decided that it had enough of this human nonsense and Mr. Fields would be replaced with the worlds first Autonomous Robot CEO -code named C-P3EO.
It was a move to shock the industry and prove that not only do humans suck at driving cars, but also suck at running companies. It shocked the nation and has every CEO around the world cowering in their penthouse corner offices.
Volvo Makes Self-Driving Garbage Truck And Unfortunately, No Garbage Truck Worker Will Benefit From Volvo's Comfortable Seats
Göteborg, Sweden - Volvo is world renowned for making some of the best automotive interiors in the world. And Volvo's seats are some of the most comfortable in the industry. Garbage truck drivers for years have been complaining about poor seats in their trucks. Volvo took to fix this by building one of the first autonomous garbage trucks in the world.
It is driven by robots and no humans are needed to pilot the truck. Unfortunately, these garbage truck workers will not benefit from Volvo's luxurious interior because they will have to still collect the garbage from the outside. Robot and Rider reached out to one of the workers for comment and all he said was "angry."
Washington, DC - Ever since the President of the United States' presidential limousine has been driven by robots, the car feels like it hasn't been treated quite fairly. Since the presidential limousine no longer requires a driver, it is under more scrutiny than ever by the press.
Robot and Rider spoke with the autonomous car yesterday to see how it was doing. The presidential limousine said "It was the biggest witch hunt it had ever seen against an autonomous car." Robot and Rider isn't quite sure what it is talking about. Ever since autonomous cars have been driving on our streets they have been under an intense microscope by the press and public alike.